OK, time for full disclosure, or at least something approaching that. I’ve said that the Peace Corps brought me to Washington for “consultations.” Been here almost a month now, living very comfortably and enjoying the city thank you Peace Corps.
That comment about coming here for consultations was not untrue, exactly, but surely was a stretch. It came about this way: My service in Guatemala was due to end in early July, and I had requested that it be moved up to the end of June in order to fly out to Seattle and spend a week with Ellen, Diane, and my Grandkids in early July. The Crisis Corps agreed to that, and so I began the routine medical testing that precedes the formal Close of Service. In the process, it turned out that some of my blood test values were a bit unusual even after a second round of testing, and the Peace Corps wanted me to have this checked out more carefully. So my trip to Washington, to be precise, was a Medical Evacuation.
I wasn’t worried. The blood tests indicated that I had anemia and so should have been feeling very fatigued and washed out. However I felt great, and had been easily holding my own on long backpacking trips in the mountains at 9000 ft. or so. Apart from a little arthritis I have been in fine shape, trusting in my good health and strength as usual.
But the medical tests here got increasingly detailed and sophisticated throughout the month, finally including CAT scans and a bone marrow biopsy. That was a bit disconcerting. Then, on June 20th I had the fateful discussion with the hematologist/oncologist. He made it clear beyond any doubt that I do indeed have a rather rare form of cancer, a lymphoma called Waldenstrom’s Macroglobulinemia. It is a cancer that progresses slowly – fortunately - but while it can be treated there is no cure for it.
Initially, I did not want to share this information. Partly, I am not looking for and do not want pity or sympathy, partly just don’t want to admit that my health and strength and longevity will be taken away from me. There are all these plans I have for the future that have been so suddenly stripped away from me. It all had been coming together so nicely.
I’ve gotten past the not sharing part. It soon became apparent that my family needs to know what I am facing and living with, and it feels important somehow that my friends also know what is front and center in my world now.
So now, what to do about this blog. I have enjoyed writing it, and I like the occasional responses that indicate that at least a few other people also find it interesting now and then. It has been a way to communicate with my family and friends. And it has forced me to think about what is happening in my life from time to time, to organize and record my thoughts, to try to fit things into a context, and I have enjoyed that exercise.
This would be a very logical time to end the blog. It began as a record of my Peace Corps experience in Tanzania, and that experience has now come to its end, not quite four years later, in Guatemala.
I don’t know, perhaps it is an opportunity to begin a new blog, dealing with this new adventure, more insular, internal and psychological. I just this morning discovered the blog entitled “My Cancer” that Larry Sievers is writing for npr.org. He is an excellent writer, and his blog is a joy to read. I could not pretend that my sometime diary entries have that kind of appeal and interest. If I were to start/continue a blog, it would again be my attempt to record my thoughts largely for myself, but in a way that is open to others.
I just don’t know.
# posted by Leroy Forney @ 6:34 AM
