Sunday, August 22, 2004
Skills For Life Tanzania. Again, I did not sleep much last night.
I feel very alone. Still no prospects for the Board of Directors. No money and no mail solicitation campaign in the immediate future. Now, on top of that, I have been called to task and so feel like I have been constrained the by Peace Corps – Volunteers may not sign contracts, agreements etc. on behalf of the Peace Corps (Sec. 2.20 of the PC Handbook). Volunteers may “advise” but not “represent” an organization, and cannot be a decision-maker (Sec. 2.4).
So the key Memorandum of Agreement to have Kuleana handle the accounts and provide classroom space for SFLTz is now twisting in the breeze.
I see the concern, I think, and believe I could put it to rest because I would not on my life sign anything that commits the Peace Corps and I am creating a program, not serving an organization. But it would take persuasion, discussion and time to clarify the ground rules. And time not only costs momentum, it risks loss of the university housing and the participation of Peter and Samwel who are without jobs meanwhile.
I feel blindsided. I think I did everything I could to keep the Peace Corps advised of my activities and plans, even in writing. Lord, PC/Washington has even been supplying me with materials and contacts! I talked about the program to everybody assembled at Morogorro, and visited other programs while I was in Dar with help from the PC. It seems late to hit this bump in the road.
And that is life. Shit happens.
It feels like the decision on the next step is on my shoulders and something needs to happen right now or it will all fall apart. This is a dangerous feeling and a dangerous time. It should not be all resting on me, and deadlines are rarely fatal. I have to look at what is my personal investment in this – why do I feel that only I can lead this project? Have I made it a personal power trip?
Suppose I did give leadership over to Paul – or Samwel or Peter. I do not have much confidence in them as leaders, but could I “advise” them through the program and into an expanded followup stage? Would the Rotary, the ExIm Bank and Kuleana support their leadership as they have said they will support mine?
Would I give Paul or Samwel or Peter as much energy and support for the program as I would put into it if I were leading it? Frankly --- no. Maybe that is a telling answer. But it is up to the leader and not the advisor to seek out and develop the contacts, frame the agreements and decisions, maintain the vision and have the sleepless nights.
So, now?
I think it is time to let it all just rest for a day.
Still.... How is it that PC put together a whole program for teaching Basic Business Skills for Semi-Literate Farmers in Zambia in 2002 without making decisions? Or how did Sarah Erdmann teach medical technicians, raise money for a medical clinic, collect and disburse the money to build it without taking charge of something. For that matter, how are PCVs expected to organize HIV/AIDS conferences without directing it, or making decisions? Is it all just a matter of semantics?
I feel very alone. Still no prospects for the Board of Directors. No money and no mail solicitation campaign in the immediate future. Now, on top of that, I have been called to task and so feel like I have been constrained the by Peace Corps – Volunteers may not sign contracts, agreements etc. on behalf of the Peace Corps (Sec. 2.20 of the PC Handbook). Volunteers may “advise” but not “represent” an organization, and cannot be a decision-maker (Sec. 2.4).
So the key Memorandum of Agreement to have Kuleana handle the accounts and provide classroom space for SFLTz is now twisting in the breeze.
I see the concern, I think, and believe I could put it to rest because I would not on my life sign anything that commits the Peace Corps and I am creating a program, not serving an organization. But it would take persuasion, discussion and time to clarify the ground rules. And time not only costs momentum, it risks loss of the university housing and the participation of Peter and Samwel who are without jobs meanwhile.
I feel blindsided. I think I did everything I could to keep the Peace Corps advised of my activities and plans, even in writing. Lord, PC/Washington has even been supplying me with materials and contacts! I talked about the program to everybody assembled at Morogorro, and visited other programs while I was in Dar with help from the PC. It seems late to hit this bump in the road.
And that is life. Shit happens.
It feels like the decision on the next step is on my shoulders and something needs to happen right now or it will all fall apart. This is a dangerous feeling and a dangerous time. It should not be all resting on me, and deadlines are rarely fatal. I have to look at what is my personal investment in this – why do I feel that only I can lead this project? Have I made it a personal power trip?
Suppose I did give leadership over to Paul – or Samwel or Peter. I do not have much confidence in them as leaders, but could I “advise” them through the program and into an expanded followup stage? Would the Rotary, the ExIm Bank and Kuleana support their leadership as they have said they will support mine?
Would I give Paul or Samwel or Peter as much energy and support for the program as I would put into it if I were leading it? Frankly --- no. Maybe that is a telling answer. But it is up to the leader and not the advisor to seek out and develop the contacts, frame the agreements and decisions, maintain the vision and have the sleepless nights.
So, now?
I think it is time to let it all just rest for a day.
Still.... How is it that PC put together a whole program for teaching Basic Business Skills for Semi-Literate Farmers in Zambia in 2002 without making decisions? Or how did Sarah Erdmann teach medical technicians, raise money for a medical clinic, collect and disburse the money to build it without taking charge of something. For that matter, how are PCVs expected to organize HIV/AIDS conferences without directing it, or making decisions? Is it all just a matter of semantics?
